Today is the day I examine myself

Kids from creative writing club have said:

"Are we going for shock value here?"
(In regards to an assignment I gave them)

and

"Wow, angsty."
(In reference to a thing I read aloud that I wrote)


-I've also had someone (a good friend) tell me that my stories might not have consequence. I spent some time thinking about that. Do stories have to have consequence? I mean, here I am, writing about cum socks and elbows and shit and I had no idea it needed consequence. Is this something that other people think about? Consequence?

More than a dozen times I've had people in workshop say that my writing is allegorical. And I thought, really? I had no idea. I wanted to tell them, no the poisonhorse is really just a poisonous horse. He's just hanging out, all poisonous and shit. He does not stand for heroin. He doesn't stand for inoculation. He's just this horse. I think he's fun. Doesn't fun go a long way? Does fun go far enough?



-I've thought about the shock value thing. I suppose I write about things I feel are shocking because they're interesting to me. It's my way of getting at the "new." If it's shocking, it has to be new. People aren't shocked by old and done. So that's okay.

-And angsty. Well, I haven't thought about angsty much. But if you're alive and not a little angsty then well, fuck, what are you doing?

Is it to early to begin worrying about summer employment?

Aggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh.

Reject me. Do it right now.

I'm eating oil and vinegar potato salad and I can take it.

My days are structured so much differently than they used to be.

I've been waking up early and somehow just being awake earlier makes me feel more productive. GOOD JOB BEING AWAKE, I think.

I've been writing more. Which is always good, I think. In my fiction workshop this semester we've been writing a little in class. I forgot you could do things like write in class. It's goddamn refreshing.

I've been revising/paying closer attention to those things I have written. Which means I've been submitting less.

It's starting to warm up so I can bike to campus again.

creative writing club

In teaching the high school kids for Creative Writing Club I find myself reverting back to high school Brandi. Whispering to the kids when someone else is teaching or another kid is reading their work. Agreeing with them, yes that is a stupid writing exercise. Write what you want! Look, I just drew a picture of a cat instead of writing!

Pastoralia

'"Blah blah blah," he says. "What kind of praise is that? Empty praise? I'd caution against empty praise. Because empty praise is what? Is like what? Is a lie. And a lie is what? Is negative. You're like the opposite of that little boy who cried Wolf. You're like the little boy who cried No Wolf, when a wolf was in fact chewing on his leg, by the name of Janet."'

Oh George Saunders, I love you.

Grad school is the place where I'm not the most negative/picky person in the room. In fact, sometimes I get the feeling that I like EVERYTHING.

Oh, academia.

AWP

Pretty sure I have every button.

Several t-shirts, most of which are too large for me.

Books. So many books. Not enough books.

Wish I had bought Poor Claudia (is their website not working? what's up with that?)

Wish I bought every Tarpaulin Sky book.

Met so many people I formerly only knew on the internet. Said awkward things to them.

Somehow ate Chinese food for at least half my meals.

Got yelled at for standing left at the metro.

Jumped on the hotel beds almost as much as I slept on them.

Looked at all the amazing people and felt very very behind.